So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
