Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
