we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
