No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize