As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
