my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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