Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
