i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Vodka?
Forever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
