if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
