stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
