were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
