Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
