Porn is love you can see.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
