**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
