Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
