He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Enjoy the penises
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
