i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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