nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
