I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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