For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
