I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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