Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
