guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
