Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
