i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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