I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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