i just google imaged poop.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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