hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
