So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
