I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
