So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
