My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
