i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
