when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
