ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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