She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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