No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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