im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
