3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
