I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
