But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
