Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
