He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize