Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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