I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im on a boat
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