Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
