oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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