ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
