whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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