Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
