i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
