don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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