i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
