i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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