How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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