Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're like the curious george of whores
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
