this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
