You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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