You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
