My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
