Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
