I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
