We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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