he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
