True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
